


Release

by orphan_account



Series: Lifetime [4]
Category: DRAMAtical Murder
Genre: Feelings, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-30
Updated: 2013-07-30
Packaged: 2017-12-21 20:00:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/904299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bottling one's emotions is never healthy, and Mink is no exception.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Release

The beginnings of a winter chill hung in the air as a light giggle rant out to fill the air. Aoba clung tight to Mink as they huddled, sitting up together in bed, blankets thrown around them. They had started out laying down, but through a little messing around had worked their way into being tangled up in the covers that were supposed to keep them warm.

All the same they leaned back against the wall, resting against each other as well. Peering out from under the corner of a blanket Aoba gave Mink a small smile, causing the older man to snort lightly.

"Always with that look."

"What look?"

"A cute one..." reaching up gently Mink let his hand brush away the blanket from Aoba's head, running his fingers through his long hair. It had grown since they had met once again, but Mink had asked Aoba to not cut it when they first noticed it's length getting out of hand. He liked it better this way, it was softer and there was more of it to touch and to bury his face in.

Taking advantage of that now, Mink leans into Aoba, nose nuzzling gently into the blue strands, taking in his scent. A soft mixture of fresh laundry, rain and Mink himself filling his senses as he drew it in, pulling Aoba closer. Rousing a soft laugh in the smaller man, Aoba closing his eyes as he let Mink do as he wished.

Suddenly, Mink grew very still behind him.

"Mm..Mink?"

Silence.

"Mink? Did you fall asleep?"

More silence.

"Mink..."

"Don't move."

"Wha-...Mink?"

"Just...be quiet."

"...Mink..."

Aoba began to quiet, listening in. However all he could hear was soft sniffling, and even then he wasn't sure if he was imagining it or not. Mink's hands began to shift, moving the blanket away from their bodies and wrapping tight around Aoba's chest. It was a simple gesture, but it spoke volumes to Aoba.

Mink was never good at speaking his mind, he had known that for years. Actions had always been the way he had communicated what was really important. Aoba liked it this way, but, sometimes his curiousty for what was really going on in Mink's mind only grew. What was he always thinking about?

However at times like this, Aoba didn't have to take too many guesses to know what was going through his head.

"Mink...it's okay," Aoba's voice was soft, smooth. Reaching up gently he put his own hands over Mink's, signalling he was there for him. Times before this told him this was all he could say, this was all he could do. Mink would wade through the torrents of his own mind by himself, with only Aoba trailing beside him, watching from a distance. "You're fine."

It was painful, but Aoba knew it was what he had to do.

"N...No. It's not, I-I'm not," Mink's breathing was getting heavier, more sporadic. Was he...shaking? This time was different, something was wrong. Mink was choking back noises, was it because Aoba had spoken?

Suddenly he began to sob into Aoba's neck, the noise was so loud and foreign it made Aoba jump. It shook him for a meer second, glancing back only to see Mink's face shrouded by his own hair. His shoulders were shaking violently as every attempt to make himself calm down was failing.

Swallowing gently Aoba shut his eyes, turning in his arms. Mink was trying to form words, sentences, but nothing but low wails and shaking sobs could escape his lips. Pressing a soft kiss to his nose Aoba kept his eyes shut. It had been a soft, unspoken agreement between them since the first time Mink had cried in front of Aoba.

They both acknowledged the tears, but Aoba respected his wishes not to be seen as he struggled with his own thoughts and feelings.

Soon, the man's sobs grew quieter, but they didn't disappear as he kept trying to hold them in. They shook him violently as Aoba took him in his arms, holding him close and letting his tears fall against the bare skin of his chest. Mink was still stammering, scrambling for words to express how he felt, what he as thinking, anything to get this feeling to go away.

He had been bottling up his emotions and regrets for so long, thinking they would go away or stay hidden if he chose to live in the moment with Aoba instead of lingering on the past. Although they had cleared up many of the reasons and forgiven what had happened Mink had never truly been able to forgive himself. He didn't think he would ever be able to.

There were just too many things he had done to Aoba, too many things that could never be forgiven, even if Aoba forgave them himself, and aloud. He thought the ache caused by the weight on his heart would go away over time, but it had only increased. He hadn't let himself get used to it either, the pain felt fresh whenever the thought crossed his mind, which was too often.

He kept these thoughts in, bottled up. Healing from one journey in his life had only caused another process to begin, in which he was stubbornly stationary. A part of him felt as though he simply _couldn't_  move on, he couldn't let go of these feelings, these memories. As if to let go of what he had done was taking for granted everything he had finally been given. That every kiss, every kind word, every soft smile thrown his way from Aoba would suddenly mean less.

"I-...I- Can't-"

"Shh..shh...Mink, take a second to breathe-" Aoba felt helpless, but powerful all at the same time. Never had he seen Mink like this, so shaken and torn up all at once. Nervous? yes. Sad? of course. Crying? several times. However, defeated to the point of sobbing? No.

He was scaring himself with how calm he was in comparison to Mink. Feeling eerily put together he held him even closer, stroking his hair softly before scratching and rubbing his back gently. Any gesture to make him know he was still there, he was still listening. He wasn't going anywhere.

"...W-..Why do..." He was still pulling himself together, but he was barely managing to keep his head above water. He didn't dare look up at Aoba, it was enough to already be breaking down in front of him-- _into_  him--but it was another thing to be completely seen in such a state. He couldn't even phrase what he was wanting to say right, what did he even want to say?

"I love you, I'm here."

"I know...I-I know..." Mink's voice shook as he did, low and drowning in his tears. He knew Aoba was there. He knew Aoba would always be there. He was accepting this, Aoba would never leave him now, would he? There had been once when he had hit him, but even then he had come back, they had healed, they had forgiven.

However again, Mink had not fully forgiven himself for then, either.

All of these events in their moments together had stacked, one on top of the other and he finally felt as though he was breaking. He couldn't hold himself in, his dams had broken and everything he had ever thought or felt was tumbling, pouring from his eyes and heart.

If only he could make words, if only actions were enough this time as his words were failing him, as they always did.

"A-Aoba...Aoba...A-Aoba..." He spoke, arms tightening around his waist as he pushed his face farther into Aoba's shoulder. The younger man kept stroking his hair softly, kissing it gently. He didn't speak another word, he was only listening. Figuring this was for the best, Mink didn't feel hurt. If anything, the silence comforted him more than words.

"W-When I left...I..." swallowing hard Mink took steps to try and pull himself together, he had something to say, why couldn't he say it? As frustration began to step in he began to push the words out, struggling to not skip and sputter, but getting them out in any way now. "I..wanted you to t-think I was gone, dead, I-I thought it w-was for..for the best. I knew you understood, a-and my men understood w-what I had done, why I had..had done it, b-but..I felt I didn't deserve that understanding."

He drew up slowly, only to slump back down against Aoba's chest once again. He was not done.

"B-But I knew..there was nothing..nothing I could do to stop it. As time went by..without you, or anyone...I..I accepted what I had been given. I never wanted to throw this life you had given me away, it never crossed my mind...I...I wanted to live and walk alone. I-I was s-so...resigned to it. I had accepted t-the fate you let me have. The..the fate I thought you had given me. T-Till you came and knocked every..everything out of b-balance. I didn't know w-w-what to do. Everything I had done came back, e-everytime I looked into your eyes I saw i-it all. E-Everything I had done, everything I live with now."

"I'm sorry," it was softer than a whisper at it fell from Aoba's lips, pressing gentle kisses to Mink's ears. He kept his eyes up, away from the man's face.

"D-Don't." Mink was attempting to calm his voice, wanting to sound steady, wanting to sound definite, but his breathing shook him still. Swallowing, he began to speak once more, now with more sucess. "Don't ever apologize."

Drawing in a shaking breath Mink kept speaking, "y-you have..given me more than you ever s-should have. I...I...I'm accepting t-this still, I thought it would get easier a-as we went on, but it never has. Why someone..would forgive and g-go so far out of their way...for a person who had only h-hurt them. B-But...I'm thankful..so..so thankful...I t-think...with you..maybe I can..maybe I can forgive myself...one day."

His breathing was picking up once again, shoulders shaking slowly, but this time he was still quiet. Aoba held him closer, telling him physically he would always be there.

"T..thank you, f-for that...I love you...Aoba, I...maybe...maybe I deserve that..."

Aoba kept silent as Mink's speech began to slow, talking softer and softer into him. Telling himself it would be alright, that everything was okay, Aoba could only hope his arms were reinforcing everything Mink was already relaying to himself.

_He had been holding in so much._

As his body began to calm and his tears began to slow Mink started to doze in Aoba's arms, tired mind letting his conciousness slip away. Aoba let himself lean back against the pillows, still cradling Mink in his arms as he did so.

He understood everything Mink had said, accepting Mink as he was, for who he was and what he had done had never been hard for him. He knew he would never forget what had happened in the past, but he also knew that he would never let that stop him from loving him now, in the present.

Now, he felt as though Mink was finally coming to accept this as well. Now that he was, he knew the healing that Mink desperately needed could finally occur, and he would be there with him every step of the way.

Slowly, he felt his own conciousness slip away, arms still tight around the body of the man he knew he would continue to walk beside for the rest of his life. This journey was one they shared, never meant to be walked alone.

In the morning, Mink's eyes shone softly with something more than they had the day before. Aoba also knew he wasn't imagining the soft new smile that sat quietly on his face.

As they went about their daily business, Aoba couldn't help but feel this look suited him. The look of happiness.


End file.
